


Take Me To Church

by BunBunnyi



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Abusive Behavior, Angst, Depression, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Mammon is tired you guys, Mention of Panic Attacks, Stop fucking him over, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, i would say it is, if you squint really hard Lucifer/Mammon, kinda??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:47:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25812304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BunBunnyi/pseuds/BunBunnyi
Summary: This would be the last act out of love for his brothers.No more.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 186





	Take Me To Church

Mammon had chosen this. It was his cross to bear, his pain to keep. In the same way he had chosen to follow Lucifer and fully support him he became the punching bag for his brothers to let their festering wounds heal. He would take everything, and expect nothing.

It would all be his to guard. All of their pain.

But he hadn’t planned something, and now he realized far too late: There was only so much someone could take.

As it happened with a cup that overflow if poured too much, the same was with him.

He had reached it’s limit.

Now, he loved his brothers very much so, even if the feeling wasn’t reciprocated. He would cut a leg for them and go beyond to make them happy.

It just wasn’t... filling him. This lack of response, of acknowledgement. He sometimes even felt like he wasn’t a living being and was more a punching bag.

He actually felt tired.

He didn’t know when that feeling started, but he actually wasn’t made aware until he had his first panic attack in the bathroom after his brothers had laughted snd called him pathetic a week in home arrest. With no way out to escape and his brothers there always ready to mock him he felt suddenly overwhelmed and had to excuse himself. That night he went straight to sleep, his body still feeling shaky and breathless.

It has been going doing since then.

The more Lucifer punished him, the more he tried to get away, which in return only angered Lucifer even more and more punishment was ensued. It was a vicious cycle.

It all came to a head when one morning he suddenly collapsed on breakfast, the lacerations on his back burning through his entire body. He woke up the next day on his bed. Turns out that if you open a wound constantly and don’t let it heal there’s a high possibility it will get infected, which is what happened to him.

Funny, that.

And yet when he returned instead of expressing worry his brothers only sneered at him.

Now, he got it. He had done some shit. He had stolen from them and yes, he almost always got them in trouble, _but that didn’t mean Mammon didn’t have feelings_. Would it kill them to express something else that wasn’t disdain towards him?

He sometimes wished that God had struck him down instead of Lilith. At least that way his sister wouldn’t have had to reincarnate and his brothers would get his perfect family. Everyone happy. No more stupid Mammon to fuck shit up.

He brushed gently his sword. He hadn’t actually told anyone, but he had kept his celestial sword. Out of the seven he was probably the only one (aside from Lucifer, but he wouldn’t admit to that since he went trough the trouble of hiding it very well) who had. Out of fondness for the memories or out of spite was still yet to be decided.

It would be far too easy, to end it all with it. His brothers were downstairs, doing God knows what, and Lucifer was in his study. Mammon was relatively safe in the comfort of his room.

He closed his eyes, remembering of happier times, the warmth of the sunsets and the feeling of the wind in his wings. He remembered his brothers’ love and their eagerness to spent time with him. They were all too cute.

But that was before.

He had no longer a place between them.

He had helped, they had grown. They had healed and his role was over.

Now it was his turn.

_ Father, if you can hear me, please grant your terrible son a swift rest and a happy life for those he loves. _

He took the handle of his sword, his hand moving through muscle memory.

He gasped as the blade began to pierce through his stomach. He pushed it further, little grunts of pain escaping him. Blood raised through his throat. _It hurt so much._

He felt to his knees, doubling over while grasping his sword as if his life depended on it. The metallic tang of blood filled the room with it’s smell. It wasn’t really pleasant.

But regardless, for the first time Mammon felt liberated. Free from everything. From his mistakes, from his fears, from their pains. He released it all with a sigh.

His vision was getting blurry and his thoughts were lacking coherence.

Distantly he heard someone knocking on a door followed by a voice calling to someone. He would have answered, but whenever he tried to speak he felt his throat choking with blood. Perhaps they would leave if they didn’t hear anything.

Ah, he was getting kinda sleepy. His eyelids dropped on his own. He heard once again the sound of voices, these time more numerous, speaking and shouting from everywhere. He felt a hand raising his head, calling to him and urging him to stay awake.

Mammon opened his eyes with much effort, finding Lucifer in front of him. He nuzzled his hand. Oh, his Lucifer. Out of all of them, he was probably the one who carried the most pain out of them. His guilt was something that ran deep in his veins, so etched into his being that it had become a part of his personality, transforming his previous kindness and love into something ugly.

He was glad that he finally let go of all that and opened to their brothers. Mammon was so proud of all of them, having matured so much.

In the back of his head, an emotion akin to regret rose at the thought of not being able to be with them the rest of the way.

So selfless to give himself, and so greedy to keep the others with him, but never asking too much.

He would miss them.

The sound of voices grew quieter. At the end of his path, there was only silence, loneliness and regret.

**Author's Note:**

> Idk what this is just needed to let it go


End file.
